Thursday, March 17, 2011
I’ve hit a point in my lifetime now, realizing that I can’t do the same work as I use to. I hate what my body is doing to me, and it makes me hate it even more so hateful, it prevents me to even enjoy one simple damn day.
It’s like the day passes by me and I’m absolutely standing still. I’ll never understand why do I feel so extremely down (about myself) right now. I truly wish I could be able to do what I use to, then those nasty thoughts stir inside my head and reminds me how much my body hates me and continues it’s tirade against me, and my hatred for it as well.
There have been times now I feel like shutting myself away from the entire world, and battling this war against my body alone. But, I have quite a few reminders why I do not and I reflect on why I cannot work like I use to. It’s been a raging war inside of me, and I want rid of it.
My only solace lately has been my children, my husband, parents, and close friends. I certainly hope to win this war and continue onto life with a much more clearer insight and happiness (with myself).
I can imagine…I can imagine, living in a semi-desolate area with my family. Away from the course, cold, and cruel realities of the populated world. I would rather face the true aspects of nature.
I can imagine…I can imagine, stepping out unto the porch and seeing a picturesque view of the rigid cold, yet so beautiful sight of nature, beckoning me to be part of it.
One day, we will be there…one day.