Why so serious?

Why do I have a picture of myself up? Just to say I feel very good about myself lately (regardless of the countless hours of no sleep, and taking care of children). My husband makes me feel wanted and needed every day. With his constant complimenting, and guidance, he has been helping me see that I AM attractive, sexy, and his only desire. Not too bad for 38 years old ;) LOL

Taken last year in Logan, UT.

This was taken last year in Logan, UT. I find that nature provides the best ambiance for photography (and people as well). I will be posting more photography.

Changes

Now the holidays are officially gone and "put away", I have decided that this is the time to start cleaning and revamping things and get things rolling. I have found that each year has become much better each time. In hopes, we will be searching for a bigger place by another month or so. I just wanted to "touch up" on the current events... We're still all getting adjusted to the new baby (Lucian) with his "unique" sleeping schedule. Hopefully by the time he's a month old, it'll all smooth out. He's getting so big at a fast rate. His last check-up was excellent, which eases my mind (okay, maybe just a little bit). My daughter is still currently healing over the tragic news from over the holidays. I just wish I could reach out more to see what I can do as her mother, but, I know she has to step up and choose to communicate. I cannot pressure her. I am hopeful though that she will heal in time, and also realize and accept that none of it was her fault AT ALL. I've noticed huge changes even within a short amount of time. I'm on my break from school for the semester, will be returning in March, and I have found I actually (well, it does get taken by the baby) I have some free time even if it's at nights which I spend a lot of quality time with the family and am able to squeeze in a few hours of one on one time with my husband. That man has changed my life, I swear. I use to have this jaded outlook on "settling down", being with the "one" for the rest of my life, etc when it came to relationships and any hopes of marriage. Furthermore, I had no hopes of ever having anymore children. My husband did change all that, and our family has grown and it's such a beautiful and wonderful thing.

I once again will state this...I will NEVER understand people (I am stating this about "supposedly" grown and mature adults). I have to learn information 3rd hand, and no one has the maturity to at least inform me or anyone else involved about something pretty important. Yes, it makes me angry and yes it makes me very upset because these things have been laid on my plate and I had to become the bearer of bad news. All I can say at this point is WTF...grow a set, find a spine and freaking just be mature enough to let me know. Again having to find things 3rd hand (I don't even state 2nd hand anymore because that's how the situation has been), finding the obituary set and I found this myself. Furthermore, I see I am stated in said article plus my daughter. Someone could of taken the time to say this information to me, bad enough, I had to break this to my daughter. I would of thought and hoped they would of taken the time to inform her or SOMETHING. So my faith in people for being at least somewhat trying to be honest and upfront has been diminished and it slowly being faded away. It's no wonder, I sit back and realize why I do NOT have any trust issues with people outside my family/close friends. Perhaps my view(s) will become more positive later in life, but right now, my task at hand is to make sure my daughter heals in time and hopefully realize she had nothing to do with this, however, deep down I feel that those who could not have been honest and at least contact her, they can take the time to grow up and realize the damage that has been set in on this. I honestly can say, NO ONE can undo the damage, NO ONE can assist in her healing EXCEPT ME. I have taken responsibility for her and it is a life long dedication. Take it as you will as it being selfish, but I have been the one for years to be there for her. NO ONE CAN CHANGE THAT. NO ONE.

Unspoken words

I have decided to use my Blogspot more often, more so for a personal blog page.

On December 25, 2011, I had received news of my ex-husband (my daughter's father) had passed away of a heart attack. It was very shocking. I have literally taken a step back and am still finding it mind blowing. I have learned over the years to let things go, and do not carry a grudge of over things that have happened long past.

Regardless of whatever that has happened, I find it the most best time to put things aside and let all things go. There has been a frustrating point now, I had anticipated some sort of word from his family members, at least for my daughter's sake. No word on anything from anyone from the family, not even to her. I had received all this news from a close friend, and just recently I had broke the news to my daughter.

I can understand if his family members have angst against me. My feelings on this is, fine, feel free, it is your right, but don't punish her for it (my daughter). I don't feel it's right and it's down right cruel and frustrating when people can't even take 2 seconds to keep her in mind. She was his daughter, did they forget this?

I do hope that perhaps they can keep her in mind and perhaps keep in contact with her, if not, then all I can do is be there for her as always.